"I don't know if we each have a destiny or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time...
Lady called me a few hours later for a phone interview…next thing I know she calls me in that night for an interview at 5pm. I arrive early, I talk to about 4 managers and it took me until 8:30pm but I walked out that bitch with a brand new job!
-woop woop-
March has been by far so wonderful for me . All in one month I got my own place, welcomed my daughter into the world and got a better job that doesn’t stress me the hell out. God is not good he is great and even that’s an understatement.
First thing I did was fly down 85 South and kiss my Selah in rejoice. You never know what tomorrow will bring for sure, smh.
If I didn’t learn anything through all my tragedies last year I learned that life is all but moments, some worse than others but you can’t let one moment define the next especially if it was bad because all it will do is consume you and weigh you down. DOWN is a cold and lonely place to get back from trust me I’ve been there and some days I find myself peeking over the edge back at it but you have to keep moving…. You must keep strong not for anyone but for you. You could sit around wondering or asking WHY all day long but you will never get an answer so why dwell day in and day out on the things you can change. I’m not saying you’re not allowed to feel your pain but don’t let it stop you entirely from living…. Number one pain side affect.
When I lost my boyfriend last year my entire soul I could feel crashing on the inside of me I could barely walk if you want to know the naked truth ….but that was a moment …. Just like finding out I was pregnant with my daughter for him was a moment … But I couldn’t let one bad moment reflect on the other and when I say reflect I mean I couldn’t let his death consume the thought of her being here because now she needs me and not just half of me but 100% Even though it’s a bitter sweet situation everyday I have to keep myself up because like I already mentioned I’ve been low, I know what that shit feels like and I don’t EVER in my life want to even see that place again.
My stomach takes up the whole shot lol. Sometimes you just need to sit in the park, pray to God, listen to a little music and clear your head. #me#chillin#bymyself#music#God#peace
Cheetah head scarf! Lol I think the sun came out a total of like 1 hour yesterday and it was back to non-stop rain…. This rain is killing me everyday it makes me sleepy =(
I was able to snap a quick pic though on my bummy ass day though lol
My new apartment floor plan…. Excited, hopefully things will still be good tomorrow when I walk in the office and I can continue to hear good news. Pretty decent space… 800sq ft which I feel is more than enough room for my lady-bug-to-be and I to start out at… I can’t believe I’m doing this all over again though, this time living as a single parent. Never would I have pictured this to be me at age 22, not complaining at all just still in disbelief.
Another picture of me …. Really love my kinky twists this time around =)
This is me … Up close and personal again. Today is Monday, it’s cold, I’m off work … Fuck it lol
Sweatpants and noodles, in that order.
And another one ….
Natural hair baaaybeh!!
Not because it’s a new year or anything… or maybe because I had such a shitty year 2012. I am just so sick and tired of last years baggage, feel me?
Yesterday morning I was feeling pretty crappy and I had a moment in my thoughts where I just came outside of myself and said HELL NO NINA, we are NOT doing this again… NOT THIS YEAR. You have a baby on the way with so many new adventures to look forward too, and you should be excited about that…you should be looking forward to every bit of it. I know things aren’t starting off exactly how I planned but in a few weeks things will be better. (this is me talking to myself btw lol)
With that being sad, my goals for this year are to first deliver me a healthy baby girl, recover, get my butt back in school, all the while look for a new place to live. I decided to change what I’m going to school for as well for I will need money to support myself later on while trying to go back and pursue my dreams. Being or becoming a parent is crazy because I already feel the instant need to provide no matter what even if that mean pushing everything I want aside to get what needs to be done handled. I say fuck it… I’m not letting anything piss me off too much this year to the point where I’m dwelling on anything for too long, God willing I will have a great year and all that I hope to accomplish will be in my nearest grasp.
As far as relationships are concerned? Ain’t nobody got time fo dat! lol (in that voice).
So clearly I have under estimated this entire pregnancy until month 7. I can tell these last two months are going to be my most uncomfortable… I literally fall asleep anywhere now at anytime, and when I’m suppose to be sleeping I can’t because of the agonizing heartburn in my chest. What they say better be true about babies hair and mothers having heartburn because this shit is no joke lol.
Anyway, besides all the other junk…she is actively, I mean actively kicking the inside of my stomach every chance she gets, I can tell that she is her father’s child already smh lol. All I can say is that my first order of business when this is all done is to have one of those Asians at this spa near my crib just massage the hell out of my body because one thing I’ve learned since being pregnant is that you feel things hurting in your body that you wouldn’t normally feel hurt….like your middle finger on your right hand or some shit lol…..like waaaaah? why does that even hurt? lol
Baby shower is in exactly three weeks though…..can’t wait.
Still can’t believe I’m going to be a mom….until I see her physically it won’t sink in.
Just me.
It is so crazy how people come into your life and you exchange some of the best moments together but it’s always just WRONG TIMING.
Wrong Motherfucking Timing.
Smh
as to what the hell I’m going to do. Life is just to damn hard, I can’t catch a break for shit.
I feel like I haven’t really written anything on here in weeks, so I guess I shall update you guys on my life thus far.
So far things have been a little up an down since the passing of my father but as a family we are trying our best to hold it together. Yesterday I went and talked to my adviser about my classes for Spring Semester, I planned on taking a year off starting next year given that I’ve had such a horrible year but then I thought to myself why wait a whole year trying to emotionally bounce back from so much hurt from the previous year ya know? Why not now… so I decided that I’m no longer going to feel sorry for myself or my situation but take it as it is and push forward. It’s not easy but I have no choice but to do it… I have a baby girl on the way now and she’s going to need my strength, she’s going to depend on it until she can one day establish her own…already she’s given me motivation to keep going and she’s not even here yet, I can already begin to feel how most parents feel about their children which is unconditional love.
Now I just need to figure out what to name her…lol… any suggestions?
